Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do

These past few weeks have been completely miserable. My previous post was only a taste of the array of emotions running through my body. I know how it feels to prepare for the end of something important, but I don't know how to deal with an ending that should not have happened. It is easy to convince ourselves that our relationships are perfect or a result of fate. Usually, our feelings are results of infatuation instead of actual love. And believe me, I know what infatuation feels like. I know how it feels to have something ripped from you without warning, but this time... nothing could prepare me for the pain.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. I had felt some obvious tension earlier this year, but I never really thought it would happen. You see, we were so wonderful together. We have similar interests and we genuinely enjoy being around each other. He ended things to get his life in perspective. He needed to figure our what he wanted from life, and couldn't make a clear decision under the pressure of our relationship. While all of that sounds like complete and total crap, I believe him. I truly believe it is necessary to ensure YOUR happiness before you can make another person happy.

This break up was painful. I just couldn't seem to let it go. My usually strategy is to self destruct. AKA: Shut down my emotions for the other person. This method had GREAT success in my previous relationship. This time was different. I found myself shutting down for mere minutes only to return to my obsession. I just could not let go. On Saturday, I could feel myself shutting down. I was broken and ready to give up. I knew my love for him would stay, but my efforts to get him back had ended.

Saturday afternoon he suggested that we take a trip to our favorite mall. I was excited to do some shopping with him, so I agreed. I was grumpy and filled with road rage on this busy highway. Without warning, he says, "So, I've been thinking. There are many fun things that I enjoy doing...but none of them are as fun as being your boyfriend. I would like to be your boyfriend again."

...Speechless... Emotional... Blubbering...

In conclusion, when you love someone... you KNOW it. You feel it all over your body. Do not give up. Do not let go. Do not withhold your feelings. He may not come back on a white horse. He may not call to you from beneath your balcony, but he will come back.