Patience Apathy Is A Virtue

Last post: April 5, 2011?... Please, allow me to explain.

I... um...eh...you see...the thing is... I just don't have anything interesting to say. There. I said it.

The most exciting story worth sharing is our trip to Huntsville (yes, again) this weekend. We made this trip to attend a surprise party for our friend J. Our friends J and B live in a cute little neighborhood outside the city. I really enjoy spending time with them, but I always leave feeling, shall we say, slacker-ish. Both J and B have "grown up" jobs. Especially B whom we lovingly refer to as our "rocket scientist friend." Why? Because she is a rocket scientist.

In my defense, they are a few years older than me. But it is so difficult to NOT be jealous of their grown-up-esque home and their brand new vehicles. Don't get me wrong, I live a happy life. I have a healthy body, strong relationship, and the ability to pay my bills. Still, I can't help but think there should be more. Much more.

While my job at TCDC is providing me with more hours and higher pay than any other part time job, it leaves me feeling like a teenager. Last week, my friend said to me, "Child care/rearing = your life." And... I really don't want that to be the case. The women there treat me as if I have never even been around a child.

"We have to clean the table." (Didn't you see me do that every other day this week?)

"You must close the lid on the diaper wipes." (I always do.)

"This is how to put her to sleep." (You obviously don't remember the previous 30,000 hours I have spent in this room at nap time.)

I might pull out all my hair. I recently realized that I want control of my own class. I spent many hours and many dollars preparing for that very situation. Sometimes I feel like I'm rushing things. Other days, I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen.

So many of my friends are successful and it leaves me thinking, "Your life is so mediocre. You could have been/can be so much more."

Am I patiently awaiting the perfect opportunity or am I passively watching my life go by without any real effort to better it.