Lists

I am a list maker. I have not been very good at keeping up with my lists lately, but I love making them. I used to make a list for everyday... talk about killing trees!!! I don't know what it is I love about them. I think it's just so relieving to cross something off. No matter how trivial it may be, it makes me feel so accomplished to see it disappear.

I've recently become completely obsessed with MTV's The Buried Life. These four guys have created a list of 100 things to do before they die. The show is wonderful and I love every second of it. This show has helped inspire me to create my own list. I began working on it a few weeks ago, and I hope to reach 100 soon. Of course, every item won't be for public viewing ;). Here are a few of the things I've come up with...

1. Get a college degree.
2. Live alone.
3. Kiss in the rain.
4. Stop biting my nails.
5. Plant a tree.
6. Save a life.
7. Change a life.
8. Marry my one and only.
9. Have a baby... with my one and only.
10. Visit all 50 states.
11. Go to Paris.
12. Befriend someone I don't like
15. Sacrifice my Christmas gifts to provide for a family in need.
16. Become a GOOD cook.
17. Complete "The One Hundred"…On my own terms.
18. Have something named after me.
19. Own all the Disney Classics
20. Write in my journal every day for a year.
21. Take a photo of myself every day for a year.
23. Learn how to drive a stick shift.

I strongly suggest making a list like this for yourself. Goals (however trivial) are always important. The show's name comes from a poem (of the same name) written by Matthew Arnold. Here are a few lines...

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us--to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.

Lovely...

Today has been wonderful. I don't even know why. I woke up in a REALLY good mood, had fun in aerobics, and spent most of the day with my boys.



Wind Symphony was the only thing on my to-do list for the day. I have a feeling my wonderful mood had something to do with the wonderful weather! Alabama has seen an insane amount of snow this year! I'm sure it wouldn't seem like much to northerners, but it's a big deal for us.



Today, however, has been absolutely beautiful! We had high of 56 and plenty of sunshine. I am a summer girl. I LOVE warm weather. So, I made the most of it by wearing SHORTS. It felt so good! Apparently, next week will be just as warm. I look forward to more outfits like this...

Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do

These past few weeks have been completely miserable. My previous post was only a taste of the array of emotions running through my body. I know how it feels to prepare for the end of something important, but I don't know how to deal with an ending that should not have happened. It is easy to convince ourselves that our relationships are perfect or a result of fate. Usually, our feelings are results of infatuation instead of actual love. And believe me, I know what infatuation feels like. I know how it feels to have something ripped from you without warning, but this time... nothing could prepare me for the pain.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. I had felt some obvious tension earlier this year, but I never really thought it would happen. You see, we were so wonderful together. We have similar interests and we genuinely enjoy being around each other. He ended things to get his life in perspective. He needed to figure our what he wanted from life, and couldn't make a clear decision under the pressure of our relationship. While all of that sounds like complete and total crap, I believe him. I truly believe it is necessary to ensure YOUR happiness before you can make another person happy.

This break up was painful. I just couldn't seem to let it go. My usually strategy is to self destruct. AKA: Shut down my emotions for the other person. This method had GREAT success in my previous relationship. This time was different. I found myself shutting down for mere minutes only to return to my obsession. I just could not let go. On Saturday, I could feel myself shutting down. I was broken and ready to give up. I knew my love for him would stay, but my efforts to get him back had ended.

Saturday afternoon he suggested that we take a trip to our favorite mall. I was excited to do some shopping with him, so I agreed. I was grumpy and filled with road rage on this busy highway. Without warning, he says, "So, I've been thinking. There are many fun things that I enjoy doing...but none of them are as fun as being your boyfriend. I would like to be your boyfriend again."

...Speechless... Emotional... Blubbering...

In conclusion, when you love someone... you KNOW it. You feel it all over your body. Do not give up. Do not let go. Do not withhold your feelings. He may not come back on a white horse. He may not call to you from beneath your balcony, but he will come back.

Resolutions...

Ah, the dreaded resolution. It's the time of year for crowded gyms and sudden spikes in water bottle and diet pill sales. But... not for me. No ma'am. Every year on December 31st I take a look at myself and say "What is wrong with me?" or "What do I need to fix?" And how often have I been able to answer/solve those questions? Never. I am tired of superficial and shallow resolutions. I am tired of focusing on bodily imperfections and personality flaws. This year my resolutions are different. No more "Stop drinking caffeine" or "Lose 5 inches." This year it's all about happiness and living life. I decided to look back on 2009 and find out what could have made it better. Would it have been better if I were 10 pounds lighter? NO! Would it have been better if I craved Mountain Dew every second of every day? NO! 2009... was 2009. No regrets, no confessions. However, my experiences of 2009 have contributed to my guidelines for the wilderness that is 2010.



1. Stop procrastinating! Do your work. Get it over with...


2. Trust...


3. Stop being jealous. He loves you. Really...


4. Be healthy.


5. Take a picture of yourself and write everyday.


6. Practice, practice, practice.


7. Call home more often.


8. Save your money. Don't be stupid.


9. Be creative.


10. No Stress. Just let go.

Grapes...

I am craving grapes... Preferably frozen grapes. Doesn't that sound delicious?

I am not sure why January 1st feels like a new beginning. Yesterday was yesterday and today is today. Life does not change simply because the numbers on the calendar are different... Or does it? Today was fabulous. Yes. I said it. Fabulous. I have said it before and I will say it again: New Year's is my favorite holiday! No matter what you feel on December 31 at 11:59 pm, the minute the ball drops you feel renewed. Like the planets are aligning for you and you alone. It is a new day and a new chance. And we all know, I am a sucker for second chances. Maybe sucker isn't the right word...

I spent the first hours of my new year lying in bed with my sweetheart. We stayed up until 3 this morning. The party was so much fun. I took so many pictures and I plan to spend the entire year taking more! I love pictures.

Just lie down.

One minute you find your world crashing around you... Then suddenly, from beneath the debris, you see a glimpse of light. Oh how I long for Christmas break and the sigh of relief that comes with it. School is really breaking my spirit right now, but I am determined to finish strong. At this point, any work I do just makes me bitter that I didn't work hard at the beginning of the semester. What was I thinking!?! Why didn't someone slap me and tell me to wake up! But I'm super thankful for forgiving professors and dear friends.

One of my sorority sisters has given me a job opportunity! I am thrilled. You see, I've been racking my brain to think of a job for next semester. I begin student teaching next Spring and I can't imagine driving to a mall after teaching! I will be exhausted. Thankfully, this wonderful girl mentioned that her boss is hiring! Want to know where she works? ... In a church nursery!!!! Isn't that awesome!?! I'll be paid to play with babies. I have been praying for a little relief during this horrible semester and my prayers are definitely being answered.

So, all of this relief has inspired me to create a list of things for which I am thankful. 30 days hath November... So I'll make a list of 30... Soon.

But before I go, I'll leave you with a quote that's helping me get through the week.

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down.” - Natalie Goldberg