Lists

I am a list maker. I have not been very good at keeping up with my lists lately, but I love making them. I used to make a list for everyday... talk about killing trees!!! I don't know what it is I love about them. I think it's just so relieving to cross something off. No matter how trivial it may be, it makes me feel so accomplished to see it disappear.

I've recently become completely obsessed with MTV's The Buried Life. These four guys have created a list of 100 things to do before they die. The show is wonderful and I love every second of it. This show has helped inspire me to create my own list. I began working on it a few weeks ago, and I hope to reach 100 soon. Of course, every item won't be for public viewing ;). Here are a few of the things I've come up with...

1. Get a college degree.
2. Live alone.
3. Kiss in the rain.
4. Stop biting my nails.
5. Plant a tree.
6. Save a life.
7. Change a life.
8. Marry my one and only.
9. Have a baby... with my one and only.
10. Visit all 50 states.
11. Go to Paris.
12. Befriend someone I don't like
15. Sacrifice my Christmas gifts to provide for a family in need.
16. Become a GOOD cook.
17. Complete "The One Hundred"…On my own terms.
18. Have something named after me.
19. Own all the Disney Classics
20. Write in my journal every day for a year.
21. Take a photo of myself every day for a year.
23. Learn how to drive a stick shift.

I strongly suggest making a list like this for yourself. Goals (however trivial) are always important. The show's name comes from a poem (of the same name) written by Matthew Arnold. Here are a few lines...

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us--to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.

Lovely...

Today has been wonderful. I don't even know why. I woke up in a REALLY good mood, had fun in aerobics, and spent most of the day with my boys.



Wind Symphony was the only thing on my to-do list for the day. I have a feeling my wonderful mood had something to do with the wonderful weather! Alabama has seen an insane amount of snow this year! I'm sure it wouldn't seem like much to northerners, but it's a big deal for us.



Today, however, has been absolutely beautiful! We had high of 56 and plenty of sunshine. I am a summer girl. I LOVE warm weather. So, I made the most of it by wearing SHORTS. It felt so good! Apparently, next week will be just as warm. I look forward to more outfits like this...

Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do

These past few weeks have been completely miserable. My previous post was only a taste of the array of emotions running through my body. I know how it feels to prepare for the end of something important, but I don't know how to deal with an ending that should not have happened. It is easy to convince ourselves that our relationships are perfect or a result of fate. Usually, our feelings are results of infatuation instead of actual love. And believe me, I know what infatuation feels like. I know how it feels to have something ripped from you without warning, but this time... nothing could prepare me for the pain.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. I had felt some obvious tension earlier this year, but I never really thought it would happen. You see, we were so wonderful together. We have similar interests and we genuinely enjoy being around each other. He ended things to get his life in perspective. He needed to figure our what he wanted from life, and couldn't make a clear decision under the pressure of our relationship. While all of that sounds like complete and total crap, I believe him. I truly believe it is necessary to ensure YOUR happiness before you can make another person happy.

This break up was painful. I just couldn't seem to let it go. My usually strategy is to self destruct. AKA: Shut down my emotions for the other person. This method had GREAT success in my previous relationship. This time was different. I found myself shutting down for mere minutes only to return to my obsession. I just could not let go. On Saturday, I could feel myself shutting down. I was broken and ready to give up. I knew my love for him would stay, but my efforts to get him back had ended.

Saturday afternoon he suggested that we take a trip to our favorite mall. I was excited to do some shopping with him, so I agreed. I was grumpy and filled with road rage on this busy highway. Without warning, he says, "So, I've been thinking. There are many fun things that I enjoy doing...but none of them are as fun as being your boyfriend. I would like to be your boyfriend again."

...Speechless... Emotional... Blubbering...

In conclusion, when you love someone... you KNOW it. You feel it all over your body. Do not give up. Do not let go. Do not withhold your feelings. He may not come back on a white horse. He may not call to you from beneath your balcony, but he will come back.